Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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