It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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