your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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