and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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