Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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