i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
