I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can you bring me the toilet please
me + whiskey = a bad person
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
