I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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