I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So squirting runs in the family.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i think i just lost a toe
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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