in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
