One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
