Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
