My girlfriend figured out who you are.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
