id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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