He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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