Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
