Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
