in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
