If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
