And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
