its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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