she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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