Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
