Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
