I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
