Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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