I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
