You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
