Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
