I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
