we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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