yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize