I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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