He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
