I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
