Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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