my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
