just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm too high and old for this...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
