when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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