so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
