We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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