24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
