just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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