okay pat passed out under dana's car
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
