It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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