Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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