With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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