isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
