i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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