Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
