girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
