Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
