he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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