So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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